Monophobia
by Mizer Manakins
Summary: Despising her life alone, Haruka longs for her dear and departed lover.For those of you who may have enjoyed reading Departure, you'll most likely enjoy this too. ONESHOT


**Monophobia**

**By Mizer Manakins**

**Manakins says:** Okay, I'm in a terrible mood and I don't feel like writing OMM today, so here's the product of my anger, but also my salvation. This song… Monophobia by Moi Dix Mois. When I'm upset about something, I listen to it… It's just… Well, anyway, for those of you who enjoyed Departure, you'll probably like this one, k? It's got almost nothing to do with Sailor Moon, just the two coolest chara in the whole frikin series. It's a oneshot, ya'll.

**Dedication:** Once again, LonelyWalker! Without you, I don't know what I'd do.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own it, okay? I would absolutely LOVE to own Mana, but I don't, okay?

**Warnings:** It's just depressing. I'll rate it… K+. I don't even remember if I cursed in this one...

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Oh, my Michiru. Will you ever return to this lonely world of mine? 

I'll never forget the day when you left me forever… You were so beautiful… So full of life… So why? Why were you taken from me like that?

I know… We've quarreled from time to time… and ever time I've had the chance to apologize… I did, every time but that one.

I know it's selfish of me to think this way… You're in a much better place with much better people there for you. I wasn't perfect, but now you are. So you have ceased to be Michiru… Now you maybe be an angel in heaven… or maybe you were brought back in a different form. I'm not sure which one is true… I never believed in heaven or reincarnation before your departure from me… but now the idea of you still there in one way or another comforts me. So I'll join you some day, I hope, unless my soul is not as pure as your's. Then maybe we'll spend eternity apart… But if it came to that… I would rather believe that death is the end. The thought of life without you forever sickens me.

It's bad enough that I feel responsible for your death in the first place. I upset you. You ran off… and then… it was all over. I should have thought before I said anything like that… I should have never doubted us.

Your sweet voice still rings in my ear… You were the only one who ever made me feel like I was meant something. I race, I fought, that was about it. Then came you. I rememeber the last time you ever said my name. Haruka, you would say, and my heart would melt. Now I curse my name.

I miss you so much, but I feel you're somehow here with me. I can't see you, nor hear you, but I feel your presence. But I wish I could hold you again, wrap my arms around you and never let you go… Maybe in another life.

We were so happy. My world was complete when you were mine… Now I'm feeling an empty space, right next to the turmoil inside of me. It rages and everytime I think of you, it just gets worse.

But maybe you're a vengeful ghost and blame me for you demise. I wouldn't blame you. When I die, will you be at rest? I'm sorry, Michiru, if that's the case, it will be a while, unless I am in a horrible accident. I've thought about just ending it all, but in the end, I wonder what you would have done had you seen me. Scold me, of course, and I would kiss you tenderly, and we would be perfect once again.

I want to know you've moved on, but I know I'll miss your presence. You've been gone for so long… I don't know what exactly I want. If it were possible, I'd want to be able to spend all eternity with you, but first you would join me and we would spend our days to the very last together here on earth… Just in case there was nothing on the other side. No, I haven't found religion, just a belief that you're not alone like me.

But if you were to ever leave me, what would I do? The fear of being without you… frightens me. We were together so long, despite what others would say…

I'm afraid of being alone.

So I've wandered from town to town, city to city, looking for something, even though I don't know what I'm looking for. I just want you back with me, for us to live in our own little utopia all over again, until our dying day. But your time expired far before mine, and it isn't fair.

But my memories of you are fond. You were the love of my life, and we could have been great… You were so beautiful and talented. Your music surely would have changed the world. But I've never heard another violinist with such passion as you had. You loved to play, and I loved to listen, just because it was you.

I still race, just in the hopes that someday it will kill me. And then we'll be reunited once more… I hope.

Destiny may bring us back together… I can only pray it does, for I have heard that fate is cruel. But we'll give it time, won't we, my dear Michiru?

I wish for your utmost happiness, so please move on. Leave me.

I'll be fine, and just wait for you to return… I can't help you right now, Michiru… My sweet sweet Michiru… You'll forever be in my heart, but spread the wings I know you must have and fly far away from me. In heaven, you can just watch me from above and not have to suffer at all. If you remain here on earth, there can only be you expiriencing my pain. I won't have it.

I'll just follow the advice given to me some time ago… The only way to escape loneliness is to love it.

Every moment I don't have you will just make every moment sweeter when I'm around you… When I join you on this 'other side.'

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**Manakins says some more:** Okay, I feel better… and wow, I wrote it all in one sitting. Yes, it is short compared to some of my others, but I feel it gets to the point. I don't want to drag it on and on if it's just going to suck. Like the Ring and the Ring 2. I kept wondering, 'Is it done yet?'. There were at least five places they could have stopped at to make that movie work, but they didn't, so it sucked. 

So what did ya'll think? It's not really Sailor Moon, but… it fit. Haruka and Michiru, of course. I love em! They're my favs! I hope to actually get reviewers that AREN'T in the Taito district, but I still love them all the same!

I hope ya'll liked it… At least I can get back to my other stuff now… Read 'Our Melancholy Memoir' and my oneshots, please!

Ja

Mizer Manakins


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